Family ties

Over the last several decades, many families sent off young boys and girls to camps, retreats, apostolic schools, and houses of formation with the Legion. Since the calendar revolves around the Church, her sacraments and the truths of the faith, it would appear to be a solid formation on every level. Now that we've discerned that a cult can subsist within the Church, parents (and former members) might want to know what was at the heart of the formation that caused such rifts, such pain and such confusion in family circles. Why did these beloved children become secretive, distant and unattached? Why was there such an unevenness of application, so that Brother Michael was allowed this but Brother Juan was not? Why was Maria's family praised to the skies and Chloe's family kept at arms' length?

II. Relations with family

142. Before permitting visits to the family home on those occasions predetermined by chapter communication, the superior should always analyze the family environment, or any other environment that may be encountered, in such a way that he can take the necessary steps to safeguard the religious spirit of our charges.

143. It remains at the discretion of the territorial director, after consultations with the center’s rector or the novice instructor, whether or not to permit an apostolic, for serious reasons and in extraordinary cases, to attend the baptism, first communion or confirmation of a sibling. This permission can only be granted if the religious ceremony takes place in the same city where the vocational center of novitiate is located. The apostolic or novice should return to the center after exchanging greetings with his family.

144. The instructor may permit a novice to attend professions of religious vows or priestly ordinations of his siblings if these ceremonies take place in the same country where the novice is residing and if he is certain that the atmosphere will be appropriate and beneficial for the novice. This visit shall last one day.

790. Very carefully observe the norm of writing to your family at least once a month, as a sign of affection and gratitude, and with the goal preventing conflict-laden situations for the Legion.

791. Take advantage of these opportunities to spread the Gospel among your family members and to help them live their Christian lives better every day.

792. Also take advantage of these occasions to help your family members understand and better love the gift of the priestly vocation and to give them a greater knowledge, respect and love for the charism that God has given to the Church in the Legion.

Article 3. Dealings with family

514.1 Live your consecration with a sense of removal as it relates to dealings with your family and try to fundamentally channel this relationship into conquering them for Christ.

2. Love your own family with rectitude and show this love through a healthy concern for their Christian life and by frequently including them in your prayers.

515. Try not to ever compromise the Movement or the Directors in those situations in which the requirements of your own family are not in harmony with the discipline of consecrated life. Instead, make them aware of the norms that govern your dealings with them and motivate them to accept them to a large degree so that parents or relatives do not become enemies of the Movement out of ignorance.

516.1. All those who live in the same country where their parents reside may, with the authorization of the center’s director, visit them twice a year on the occasion of name days and birthdays, except in the year of formation.

2. All those whose apostolate is in a country different from where their parents reside may visit them for a period of fifteen days every seven to ten years as proscribed in no. 495.1.

3. When it becomes necessary due to extraordinary circumstances to make travel to the country where the family resides, it remains solely up to the General Director to grant permission and to decide on the length of the stay. If it is a trip within the country, it is the responsibility of the Territorial Director to grant this extraordinary permission.

517. Being conscious of your participation in a Movement in communion with superior life founded by Christ, learn to elevate familial love to the spiritual plane, where the ultimate and more complete sense of natural bonds are manifested, offering up to Our Lord God in good spirit the sacrifices that are derived from this.

518.1. Without permission of the center’s Director:

1. Do not have dealings with relatives more frequently than has been proscribed.

2. Do not meddle directly or indirectly in the affairs of your own family by procuring recommendations, money or similar things from them.

3. Do not bother relatives or strangers by asking them for clothing or other items for personal use, even if they are necessary, as proscribed in no. 400.2.

2. Center Directors shall grant these permissions only in exceptional cases and for the most serious cause.

519. When two third degree siblings belonging to different branches of the Movement reside in the same city, they may visit each other once every three months. These visits shall take place in a third degree center of the female branch. The duration of these visits should not exceed two and a half hours.

Since almost everything is left to the discretion of superiors, I would think a member would detach from even his deepest desire (visits, exchanges with loved ones) because:

1. to put one's hope in something beyond his control is to set him/herself for disappointment;

2. to express a desire is to show a lack of docility to the will of God.

The overall sense is that the Legion is the new family/priority and that the family of origin becomes an "apostolic project." They can either support the Movement or be an obstacle, and they will be treated accordingly. The Legion, in sum, is the filter and yardstick of everything else that was previously a part of its members lives. The lowly member eventually shuts down emotionally as a survival mechanism.

[Please note: I am currently reading the biography of Saint Isaac Jogues, who left his family for good when sent to the Canadian missions, was permitted to write to them once a year, and elevated his love for them to the spiritual plane. I read it with the Legion in the back of my head (sadly, no fun) and am entirely aware of MM's use of the Jesuits as a model in many things. Still, knowing the integrity of MM as compared to that of Saint Ignatius makes all the difference. Perhaps it's not what's written on paper that matters but the intention/machination behind each rule.]

Returning home, no doubt, is very very hard for everyone. With the Legion (the new family) disgraced and so tainted, a sacred trust has been betrayed. Reconstructing burned bridges is a daunting project -- especially for those who are depressed and utterly confused. We'll add this to our growing prayer list.

Comments

[anonymous]

"All those who live in the same country where their parents reside may, with the authorization of the center’s director, visit them twice a year on the occasion of name days and birthdays, except in the year of formation."

I always misunderstood this: Does this mean you can visit your mom twice and your dad twice, or do you only get two home visits and you have to pick which of the four dates you want to go home for. And if they are divorced, you could visit dad once and mom once.

From my experience, this statute isn't respected.

Several problems:

Scheduling conflicts: The urgency of the mission often makes it impossible to "get time off." Or, you might have a trip planned, and it would get canceled b/c of urgent business.

Who pays for your ticket home? Families supporting the Legion might pay for it, but those who don't, probably won't. So the consecrated might not get to go home, depending on the decision of the directress. (I know my directress called my mom several times demanding her to pay for my ticket home).

Exceptions/favoritism: Families who support the Legion and who could pay to travel where their son/daughter is, could see their families more, and take them to dinner. Or if they show up to a conference of RC and their son/daughter was there, they got to see them.

Lots of exceptions...

[Anonymous]

At least as far as the apostolics go, I am virtually certain they will not be accepted into LC school if their parents are divorced. If I am mistaken on that, please correct me.

That always made me wonder----so your vocation is dependent on your parents' marriage status?? Does that sound strange to anybody else?

[Daniel]

Right, no boy is ever to be allowed into the apostolic school if his parents are divorced. This rule has NO exceptions, ever.

[Juana Inés]

And if they divorce later?

[St Michael protect our Church]

We know many divorced parents in L/C school that our children attended.
If you have MONEY you will be able to stay.

[giselle]

Daniel was referring specifically to apostolics. The LC/RC schools across the country have no such restrictions. Tuition money is tuition money (but the kids will be treated differently in subtle ways).

[anonymous]

I know of a few consecrated who had divorced parents.

And what if the parents were together, and then got a divorce. Would the apostolic be kicked out.

That's a very strange rule...

Maybe it's to avoid double the home visits...LOL! Anything to avoid letting them out!!

[HH]

We are in a different time than St. Isaac Jogues, at time of rapid communication and travel, a time when, we hope, there has been a renewed and healthy understanding of family life.

[HH]

"Who pays for your ticket home? Families supporting the Legion might pay for it, but those who don't, probably won't. So the consecrated might not get to go home, depending on the decision of the directress. (I know my directress called my mom several times demanding her to pay for my ticket home)."

Maciel seemed to have no money problems jetting around to visit his families. And even to jet them off to Rome!

[pam]

I was often asked by the LC priest who would visit our home if I knew of any boys who were interested in the priesthood. When I told him about one boy I knew he seemed very eager to get his info until he found out his parents were divorced. He just shook his head and I knew the conversation was over.

Later on I realized that this family just would not fit in with all the RC families. The RC families always talk about the good catholic families they meet thru RC. That is because the Legion preys on good catholic families...they don't form them.

[Still RC - For Now, Anyway]

" . . . the Legion preys on good catholic families...they don't form them."

Totally agree. These families were good solid Catholic families from the get-go. I just laugh whenever someone tells me "where would my family be without RC?" As if RC turned that family from the drug house to the house of God . . .

And what's with the "no divorce no vocation" rule? That can't even be Catholic! If our diocese had applied that standard to the priests here we'd be shortchanged big time because some of them are products of broken households and are wonderful, holy priests.

Just goes to show you how sloppy is the LC thinking. A vocation is from God, not from the Legion and the Legion, if interested in all these young men, should at least take the time to get to know them first before inviting them to Chesire to "test their call".

[Jon]

"Right, no boy is ever to be allowed into the apostolic school if his parents are divorced. This rule has NO exceptions, ever."

LC recognises divorce?

The Catholic Church doesn't.

[Still RC - For Now, Anyway]

Jon, all annulled marriages must go through the civil divorce first. That's my understanding of how the annullment process works. And while the Church doesn't have "divorce" in it's lexicon (what God has joined together no one may divide) on a practical basis it has lots of ministries serving divorced parishioners so in that sense it certainly does recognize that divorce exists. So the LC would certainly recognize that as well.

I'm guessing that the LC's decision is a "prudential" one ie it has had bad experience with children of divorced parents or there are too many complicating factors regarding child support and visitation etc. (if they are minors). But I've never heard that the Church does not allow vocations to the priesthood if the parents are divorced, separated, annulled or whatever.

[gregorbo]

Um, Jon? Hate to break it to you but it's not that the Legion does not recognize divorce.

Maciel was a serial sexual predator who, it turns out, fathered children with three different women--none of whom he married.

The Legion doesn't recognize MARRIAGE as a sacramental vocation--so divorce doesn't even enter into it.

[Anonymous]

LOL, Gregorbo!!

Yes, divorce really doesn't factor into it when you consider Maciel was very much into common-law marriage and apparently NOT into either civil OR sacramental marriage.

What a joke.

[finally free]

I remember about a year ago our area was trying to "collect information" on the families involved in FAMILIA. They said it was to serve the families better...but they specifically wanted to know about the ages of the kids....we flat out disagreed this was a nessesary need & when the issue was pressed we flat out refused to do it....guess I'm just not "docile" enough....i really hate that word!

[RCdisgust]

Vocations coming from divorced families:
Fr. Mitch Pacwa and Mother Angelica
Where would today's Church be without them?

[Still RC - For Now, Anyway]

Hah - the oh-so-superior Legion of Christ has just been one-up'ed by the Jesuits. I really don't know many priests who are as smart as Fr. Pacwa SJ.

And if MM were 1/100th as faithful as Mother Angelica perhaps he would have been able to accomplish something of true good.

[anonymous]

Does anyone know if this was also true for consecrated? Well, I know of two consecrated with divorced parents. Could it be that once they are older it didn't matter. Was this just for apostolics? Was it b/c they were much more trouble than they are worth? I find this extremely disturbing!!

[It is what it is]

finally free - I was looped into RC through Familia (of course!)and was barely a member one month before I was pressured to give the name, address, and phone numbers of two people the movement could recruit over the coming year. I asked why they needed their personal information. The response was, you guessed it, a blank stare! I quickly realized questions were not to be asked because they would never be answered. I really pushed the woman to give a solid answer and did not cave because I thought it an invasion of their privacy. Needless to say, I did not have a bright future in RC.

[dcs]

"Jon, all annulled marriages must go through the civil divorce first."

In the U.S. this is true. Other countries might have different rules.

[ambivalentPC]

When I entered the precandidacy, they called my parents and asked for their marriage license. My mom was very upset and offended by this -- she could not see a reason why they would need it. My parents have been happily married for over 25 years, but don't see that their marriage license should be demanded of them in every circumstance.

I believe this rule is just in place for the minors (precandidates, apostolics). After all, didn't MM's father leave his family? I remember hearing recently that he had.

The parents' birthdays and names days visit is once for each parent. I think they just do birthdays in countries that celebrate those, and name days in Mexico and other places where these are more important -- though I am not sure. The precandidates had this visit option, but we were allowed to use those two days a year for any days we wanted -- I pooled mine together to go to my younger brother's baptism.