Making school plans

Parents always need to stay one step ahead, and even though the 2011-12 school year hasn't ended, we're all mulling over the options for next year. With the changes in the Movement, some schools are closing, others combining, and others staying the course. Where will we place our children, we wonder...?

Before anyone considers a boarding school under the watchful eye of Legionaries or 3gf's, kindly consider this testimony of a girl who went to the pre-candidacy in RI. I'll pull just a few segments, beginning when she came home (hoping to return). The bold is my own:

I woke up the next morning a different person.  I had left home as bubbly, happy, irrepressible, irresponsible 14-year-old.  I came back a much older, sadder, more serious, and shyer 16-year-old.  I was coming back to a different family, too -- I now had a younger brother.  Everything seemed weird and different -- like it wasn't at all the family I had left, but a new family I was going to have to adjust to...

[If my parents yelled at me or criticised me} I could clearly see that their anger was more about what was going on in their own lives than it was about  me.  They weren't saying calculated things to "test" me.  They were just doing their thing, and sometimes they weren't as gentle as they could have been.  It no longer bothered me.  I realized that I had had a lot more "harshness" from my formators than I had ever had from my family.  Besides, I had changed overnight from the girl who dissolved into tears over everything.  I felt like I had no feelings at all.  I felt annoyed when people looked for an emotional connection with me, trying to share feelings or hug me.  I didn't want to be touched anymore.  And my feelings were a shameful thing I didn't want to share...

Pretty soon even I was able to recognize that I was deeply depressed.  The only emotion I felt was a deep misery and loneliness.  I called up the one former classmate whose number I had.  She was very understanding.  "When does it get better?" I asked.  "I'll let you know," she said.  She told me of others who had turned to alcohol or drugs to numb the pain after going home.  I was shocked...

The other person [who saved me] was my little brother.  It was so different to have someone who needed me.  No longer was I "forming myself" just for the sake of forming myself.  I had to smile even if I felt sad, not because it was the right thing to do, but because Joseph needed a smile from me.  I had to leap up and help, not because I had been assigned to help, but because he needed help right then and couldn't wait.  He was generous with smiles, appreciation, and hugs.  I didn't feel comfortable hugging anyone but him, but he reintroduced me to the world of touch and it was so comforting.

This is a young woman who came home, only to find that she had been lied to -- she wouldn't be invited back, although she worked hard on the things they told her that would enable her to stay. Imagine the ones who stayed. Read it and see what you can do to make healthy decisions for your children, and bring this information to light for others.

ADDENDUM: I'll add a few more excerpts, below.

This one is about sports (she's not athletic at all):

I tried hard, though. I felt I had to, if I was going to be perfect. There would be no excuses this time. I would run up and down the court the whole game (which lasted an hour). At least, that was my goal. In reality, I was never able to do it. By halfway through the game, I would be lagging and out of breath. And one consecrated woman from Colombia, whom we'll call Juanita, made it her personal crusade to motivate me. Chances are, this was a commandment from above, but I'll never know. Every day, she would take me aside and tell me that I didn't love Jesus because I wasn't really trying. Or that I should get into the game to make my companions happy. Or that I was just trying to get attention by pretending to be sick. One time that I'll never forget, she yelled in frustration, "Why can't you just be like everyone else?"

I felt shattered. If my goal should be like everyone else, that meant everyone else was better than me. I was the very worst person in the whole place.

Here she notes her inner struggle (which they labeled as pride and lack of love for God):

I was rebuked again and again for crying. I was told it was my duty to "keep my face for the others." The other girls deserved to see me happy. They did not want to be brought down and made depressed by my gloomy face. So I tried and tried. I stifled sobs under my pillow at night, hoping someone would notice and come over, and that whoever it was would not be mad at me. I locked myself in the basement bathroom and cried during recess. I would bite and scratch my arms and hands because the physical pain made the emotional pain a little less. The reason I admitted to myself was that I was just trying to keep myself from crying. The reason I didn't admit was that I hoped someone would see the marks and ask if I was okay. I would tell them that I was just trying to stay calm, to put the brave face on that they asked of me, and they would finally realize I was trying my best. They would say, "Wow, Sheila, I had no idea you were trying so hard. You really do love God. We should be easier on you." But that did not happen.

Ready to knock down the front door yet? Thankfully, it's closing and the girls will have a different experience in Michigan. But remember, it's the same 3gf's in charge there.

Comments

[Happy Girl]

I have been reading the statements from several PC girls and I am horrified. While I have always heard terms like '"cult" regarding LC/RC, I had not read detailed accounts from girls who were in the schools. All of the reports of abuse are so bad, but to hear these accounts brings it home. I am so sad for the young women who were deceived, and sad for their families.

[giselle]

I'm wondering if it's very wrong to say that this sort of thing happening to girls in a religious setting (spiritual manipulation and warping of the emotions) is the equivalent of the molestation that happened to the boys. There are parallels, but I don't want to insult any real physical differences, just a thought.

[Happy Girl]

Agreed, to read of sexual abuse is horrific, but for some reason these accounts from the girls make me sick too. Abusive mind control = abuse of any sort? I have not been there personally so I cannot say.

[A&W in Atlanta]

This treatment of young adolescent girls is abysmal. With all the multitude of rules to follow, they could never perfect themselves. Working on themselves first so they could give Jesus to others was what destroyed many of the women's religious orders after Vatican II. How can LC/RC teach Pope John Paul II's Theology of the Body to students in the pre-candidacy when they fail to respect the inherent dignity and freedom of each of them, whether seminarian or candidate? Hopefully, they can restore their faith in God and his Church through this new blog. This.Is.Not.Catholic.

[Tom]

DM, your comments are hilarious (Scholastica!). I remember being asked to attend a TOB event at Pinecrest (I responded “not over my d*** body”, when I told this in confession, the priest burst into laughter…). I totally support the concept that humans are not meat, that spousal love is a gift from God so we can give new life, in love. But how many tomes of impossible to understand Polish intellectual jargon does it take to explain boy meets girl? TOB is almost longer than the Bible and more difficult to read. To boot, it was written just as the sex abuse scandal reports started to pore into the Vatican, yet nothing was done. TOB is so inscrutable that it has generated a virtual cottage industry of “interpreters”. That, in it self, became a quasi cult. The concept I think is valid, but not that complicated. Make it into a clear, one or two pager.

And the hypocrisy of it all: LC ramming TOB down the throats of young people, while they screw around and impregnate whom they want. And they are still in charge of these women? Hello, Curia, anyone home? Knock, knock. Hello?

Let these women create their own order, join legit convents or disband. The Church allowed women to form orders in the middle ages. Not now: only creepy men can tell women how to become spouses of Christ. Just pathetic, there is no other word.

Now this being said, a lot of the secular world 60's style point of view is pretty pathetic.

[Tom]

...not to mention making them go on demure "fashion" catwalks in potato saks...

[LAN]

Why DEAD is written as d***d? What has 'Polish intellectual jargon' got to do with anything?
This is as clear and intelligent as pretending 'Mexican' doings is equal to 'non-EU' betrayal by disgusting MMaciel.
NO doubt it's horrible to have to acknowledge you've been taken in by a con-man. Bad, bad for you. We shall pray NOT FOR LC, but for its victims.

[Pete Vere]

Interesting. I'm currently reading (about halfway through) a book by evangelical writer/traveling preacher Steve Sampson titled "Confronting Jezebel: Discerning and Defeating the Spirit of Control (Revised and Expanded Edition)"

Although I don't agree with everything he writes, so far I would say that about 95 percent of it is pretty insightful and applicable in a Catholic context. What I found particularly helpful is chapter five in which the author shares 40 traits of a controlling (aka "Jezebel") spirit:

Here's the first five, the first being the most serious according to the author:

1 - Refuses to admit guilt or wrongdoing.

2 - Takes credit for everything.

3 - Uses people to accomplish a personal agenda.

4 - Withholds information (while attempting to pull as much information as possible from you).

5 - Talks in confusion.

The book is published by chosenbooks.com and retails for about $13 U.S.

[Melissa G]

See, after reading this I don't understand why anyone would let their daughter or son be involved in Challenge or Conquest. Yet, they do thinking it is a harmless club that will form them in their faith. They think it is harmless to get involved in Challenge and Conquest because their son or daughter won't be sucked into the PC. But isn't Challenge Club just a breeding ground for PC? How much involvement does the 3gf have with Challenge clubs and the LC with Conquest, now that they have become more "parish based"?

[It's the Duplicity, Stupid]

"One time that I'll never forget, she yelled in frustration, "Why can't you just be like everyone else?" "

Lovely. What an affirmation of the human person. Such respect for the unique gifts and traits that this young woman must have had.

And these women want to teach Theology of the Body?

As Gandalf himelf would say:

"Fly, you fools!!"

[It's the Duplicity, Stupid]

"Here she notes her inner struggle (which they labeled as pride and lack of love for God):"

The only pride going on here is the puffed-up pride of the little macielistas running the place. Confusing your will for God's will is a common trait among the formators in Regnum Christi. And it's all from Maciel's methodology. When you make yourself a god, you can justify anything from bullying to outright sex and verbal abuse.

[HonestyPlease]

These testimonies bring out how the children's natural psychological and emotional development is deliberately crushed and stunted -- and their needs exploited -- to make them more uniform and compliant sales reps for the cult.

Someone mentioned a class action lawsuit -- at least I hope that these kids' experiences will be studied by child psychologists.

[Mary Ann]

The parents of minors could file suit against the Legion and RC. But some might demur, citing patience and long suffering. Why is it considered virtuous to let other people get hurt????

[Mary Ann]

I know a cheery parent who refuses to believe anything bad, because God is in control via the Pope, etc. And if you say anything, you are a temptation. When I think of how much responsibility falls on the head of the Pope...

[Justice]

How do people withstand years of emotional abuse? Do they shut themselves off emotionally? Do they lose the ability to have compassion and empathy for the suffering of others? If they lack these virtues, are they incapable of love? If they cannot love, can they be a fisher of man?

Jesus said,
"I give you  a new commandment: love one another.  As I have loved you, so you also should love one another.  This is how all will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another" (John 13: 34-35).

In the Legion and RC, I've seen many fishers of people's money, but are they really fishers of men?

[just me]

Justice,
Many do shut themselves emotionally... Others get on tremendous roller coaters trying to catch up with life.
Many others depressed because they feel rejected by God, even though they tried to do their best, they were not worthy enough. this is how their directors make them feel at the end when they ask them to leave.
It takes time, therapy, grace of God, and a lot of good will to get over all the guilty and anger they feel.

[just me]

I think these testimonies are so revealing that every bishop, at least in the US, should get a copy.

[Deirdre Mundy]

Except the bishops seem to think if they ignore it, it will go away. And hey, look! The school is moving! They'll have normal classes! They can be in the play! So why crack down on past ills that happened outside your diocese????

Not to mention the "These are anonymous accounts forwarded to me to a third party... why should I act?" objection.

[Deirdre Mundy]

But these girls are doing a HUGE SERVICE, because now moms who bother to Google before giving their child to RC can read about the much vaunted 'formation' and do what they need to do to protect their daughters. So even if the exPC blog doesn't result in official church action, it will save some girls from sharing their fate--which is probably what they're aiming for.

In many ways, they lag in reporting, the desire to save others, the guilt that they haven't spoken up earlier and other girls have been hurt in the meantime----it DOES look an awful lot like the process girls I knew who were abused by teachers went through.....

[Justice]

just me, It's about time that the emotional abuse is finally getting its due credit as one of the major reasons the LC/RC needs reform (dissolution, imo). Emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical and sexual abuse. Yet, none of these abuses was enough to move the Curia to close the Legion doors on recruitment. Why is that? Are they waiting for dead bodies?

[19Fiona48]

@just me, I agree whole-heartedly, but the RI bishop seemed to like ICA during his visits...afterall, the 3gfs ARE all about appearances, so they clean, feed, and sing (again, academics suffered). I am bothered that he has allowed the "movement" to grasp on to so much in RI.

[just me]

Teenagers biting and scratching their arms to ease emotional pain, imagining their own funeral in a place while supposedly discerning their own vocation, should not be an information that we now own and make us move forward to the next post.
If they are at last talking they need all our support and I believe they need help in every manner that we can give them.

[just me]

Does anybody knows how to get in touch with them? I know many other who are willing to share their ow stories.

[Justice]

just me, Deidre is spot on. The bishops do not want this problem. Third party, second party stories are not evidence - just gossip. Most victims will not go through the grueling process of detailing their abuses just to share them with an unsympathetic bishop who won't do anything anyway. That's why blogs like this, FB, regain, et al, are so important because they do more to inform the public than the Church.

Parents who investigate and ignore these warnings are most likely selfishly, getting something in return for their lack of good parenting.

[just me]

Justice, "Are they waiting for dead bodies?"
I've just read this paragraph on the last post they shared today. Sorry for posting something too long but it's worthy it:
"The first few days were horrible. I felt isolated and every ounce of “me” was being forced into something else…like a block of cheese being forced into a grinding food processor. The future held no sense of hope or promise for me…I was terrified of what I would become. I stopped eating as it seemed like the only thing I could control, and also because subconsciously I rationalised food as sustenance and I didn’t want to sustain myself there…I wanted to reject my future there but since I felt like I had no real choice, this was all I could do. I lost a lot of weight and often felt dizzy and found it hard to concentrate. My Assistant and Spiritual Guide talked about it frequently with me and since I didn’t know how to articulate why they suggested reasons for me. Was I homesick? No…not really, I’m generally a pretty good about being away from home and doing my own thing. Did I not like the food? I don’t think it’s that as I’ve never been a fussy eater. Was I sick in some way but just not telling them? Not that I know of... The truth was I had just lost my joy of being alive and the “essence” of me felt oppressed and controlled."
We know an irish 3G already died of pneumonia due to anorexia complications.