life-after-RC

How to form a cult

An excellent article was noted on the last [now unwieldy] thread, so we'll start fresh. How To Start a Cult outlines the critical elements that may very well have been embedded in the Legion from the start. It usually begins with "quality, ambitious, hardworking" members of like mind, with "above-average intelligence" and "high ideals."

There is also mention of peripheral difficulties that allow the member to throw himself into the group whole-heartedly. While this doesn't have to be universal, it speaks to the comments at the end of the last thread which suggested that dysfunctional people are more comfortable in a dysfunctional group (the corollary being that very healthy people are often repelled by the atmosphere). I think that's generally true (I've written in the past about how being an adult-child of an alcoholic shielded me from grasping the red flags, and RC life was simply a baptised version of my previous existence.) But that said, there were plenty of wonderful people whom I would never accuse of being unhealthy -- I'll reserve all judgements to the system, not the people (and thus a system that made them do highly questionable things).

See what you think, and perhaps this article will jar a few more truths loose, so that we can assess our L/R experiences even better.

Rebounding after leaving

A long-time reader poses two important questions:

I am writing because I am writing a series on my blog about 'cult-life thinking' as I experienced YET ANOTHER cult experience after leaving RC. (You'd think I'd learn, right? ;) But I have gained so many blessings and insights into my own weakness through this last experience, which was actually a much worse personal experience than I had in RC as it was local and we were directly targeted when we left.

1. I was wondering if you had some links I could refer to that are general principles of cults that I could link to (and also research) for my blog. I know you have extensive wisdom on this topic, and I am still stumbling through even my own insights, and would love some 'back up; and 
2. I would also like to ask you if you have heard of a sort of 'rebound' after leaving a cult (like RC) where someone ends up in the same ditch again... I find my last three years' experience interesting.

For starters, I will always recommend Steve Hasson's "Freedom of Mind" site, which is filled with exellent information, anecdotes and data on many cults. Another source is ICSA (International Cultic Studies Association) which has many ongoing activities, presentations, and workshops, as well as a comprehensive database. Their next international conference will be in Montreal this summer (5-7 July, 2012).

The reason these larger bodies help so much is that they show the common elements that create cultish environments. Regain and LARC have not charged this Movement with cultishness lightly. There is a wide body of research and documentation that stands behind such allegations, and the data from decades of evidence in this case allows certain conclusions to be drawn regarding the Legion. In that respect, cult awareness groups can be very helpful in dissecting one's experience -- although the healing process requires that a person set aside his/her prejudices and engage in a humble pursuit of wholeness.

If others want to provide more resources (books, sites, videos) in the comboxes, I'll bring them up and begin a list.

Let's revisit the "cult" word

Pete provides this valuable link on red flags in religous settings, which provides comparative lists of characteristics. One list includes:

1. The group is focused on a living leader to whom members seem to display excessively zealous, unquestioning commitment. 
2. The group is preoccupied with bringing in new members.
3. The group is preoccupied with making money. 
4. Questioning, doubt, and dissent are discouraged or even punished.
5. Mind-numbing techniques (such as meditation, chanting, speaking in tongues, denunciation sessions, debilitating work routines) are used to suppress doubts about the group and its leader(s). 
6. The leadership dictates sometimes in great detail how members should think, act, and feel (for example: members must get permission from leaders to date, change jobs, get married; leaders may prescribe what types of clothes to wear, where to live, how to discipline children, and so forth). 
7. The group is elitist, claiming a special, exalted status for itself, its leader(s), and members (for example: the leader is considered the Messiah or an avatar; the group and/or the leader has a special mission to save humanity). 
8. The group has a polarized us-versus-them mentality, which causes conflict with the wider society. 
9. The group's leader is not accountable to any authorities (as are, for example, military commanders and ministers, priests, monks, and rabbis of mainstream denominations). 
10. The group teaches or implies that its supposedly exalted ends justify means that members would have considered unethical before joining the group (for example: collecting money for bogus charities). 
11. The leadership induces guilt feelings in members in order to control them. 
12. Members' subservience to the group causes them to cut ties with family and friends, and to give up personal goals and activities that were of interest before joining the group. 
13. Members are expected to devote inordinate amounts of time to the group. 
14. Members are encouraged or required to live and/or socialize only with other group members.

Do scroll through the various lists and see what applies to this Catholic Movement. Remember, even a few accurate points are enough to be problematic -- you don't have to hit 100% to be a cult.

ADDENDUM: to clarify how Regnum Christi fits the cult mold, consider this sleight of hand, which has only been exposed in the last year:

The pope’s envoy running the disgraced Legion of Christ religious order says the 1,000-plus rules governing the cult-like life of some of its members are invalid and will be whittled down to a core set of norms.

The rules that the Legion’s consecrated women and men live under cover everything from how to eat a piece of bread (tear off bite-size pieces, don’t bite into it) to what they can watch on television to how they interact with outsiders and family members.

The Legion scandal ranks as one of the worst in the 20th century Catholic Church since Pope John Paul II held the Legion’s late founder the Rev. Marciel Maciel up as a model, even though the Vatican knew for over a decade about credible allegations he was a pedophile.

One of the greatest scandals concerning the Legion’s consecrated members is that for years they were told that the 1,000-plus rules they lived by had been approved by the Vatican, when in fact only 128 general statutes had been approved.

Former members have complained that they were told that disobeying any one of the rules was tantamount to disobeying God’s will — a heavy onus that created an unhealthy striving for perfection over the most meaningless of norms.

But in a Nov. 21 letter, the pope’s delegate for the Legion, Cardinal Velasio De Paolis, said the rules had no legal status since they were never officially approved. He said a small commission would be formed soon to “extract” from the rules only those that are “strictly necessary” for the life and governance of the group.

This core set of rules will guide the consecrated until their whole governing statutes are revised, he wrote. Significantly, this revision process will be carried out almost independently of the Legion — part of the autonomy De Paolis envisages for the consecrated members.

The rules aren’t public but were at one point posted on Wikileaks. The etiquette norms specify how to eat specific types of food: an orange (with a knife and fork); spaghetti (cut, not rolled around a fork) and chicken (with a knife and fork, except on picnics when it can be eaten with fingers).

Members have defended the rules as a way to create unity in an international movement with people from different cultural and socio-economic backgrounds. Critics have said the excessiveness of rules masks a lack of spirituality and constitutes a red flag about the cult-like nature of the movement.

Why LARC?

Contrary to the thinking in many circles, LARC was created to be a forum where the people who once got caught in the Legion net (by contributing in some way to its enterprise) can assess how and why it happened. In particular, they want to understand how our Church (headed by a man invested with the authority of Saint Peter and guided by the Holy Spirit) could fall for such a scam. Does this undermine her claims to infallibility? Does this make the faith less true? Could this justify putting a distance between ourselves and Holy Mother Church?

My sense has always been that this didn't touch on faith and morals, that the faith is still true and that we need the Eucharist, which is only available to those who embrace the authority of the teaching Church. So here we are, after many years (this site was set up in May, 2005) older, wiser, and perhaps more at ease with some things, while still exasperated about others.

Having assessed many facets of the Legion during that time, and witnessed its enduring obstinacy -- through a refusal to show remorse or a sincere desire to change -- "Little Light" reminds us of the heart of the matter. (This is in response to whether it is to the Legion's credit that they fire poor teachers):

"Solid Catholic education" (schools) = "solid Catholic formation" (seminaries). LC/RC is basically about presenting an image, recruiting & fundraising. If someone becomes a shark in the fishtank and the fish are scared, they will not be easily recruited or be big $$ supporters. This auto-defense mechanism is not about "Catholic education" but about results which are the results the LC/RC camp wants to achieve. So running off a "bad teacher" can be proof of protecting Catholic teaching but also can be a useful tactic within the LC/RC methodology to circle the wagons and keep their prey closer as these families are building trust in LC/RC.

When LC/RC burns too many bridges & there ain't no more to get, they blow out of town faster than a devil from holy water. As their fanatical base builds they invest more. Just look at St Louis vs Atlanta.

My recommendation for all LC/RC people is take a step back, take a deep breath and look at things from an objective viewpoint free of knee-jerk reactions. The simple point is that maciel created the legion to have access to boys. lots of boys, who he could manipulate as he wanted. He build around the legion an aura of holiness & Catholic tradition. Over time he refined his abilities & eventually it looks & smells Catholic but in the end it was all about money, manipulation, abuse & protection from the "church's enemies".

I personally know that LC leaders lie to achieve their goals. They abused the vows by recommending people to profess whether temporal or perpetual to continue as LCs only to harvest their dreams, manual labor & skills. They lied to benefactors about projects to get large donations based on falsehood. They lied to parents to get their children to an apostolic school. So, so many lies. & who is the father of lies?

At one time we believed the lies & now we are here to tell others the truth... as we saw it & experienced it. So it is not hard to believe that the LC/RC people have a hard time believing us but you will be thankful to us when you do.

So yes, subpar teachers are let go, but so are any who will not submit to the methodology, not necessarily for the sake of education, but for growing the Movement. Likewise, there is a shunning process for all who populate the apostolates, which are more about growing the parallel structure than actually benefiting Holy Mother Church. To the degree that there is an overlap, the real Church does benefit, but that is not the primary motive, only part of the window dressing.

[Btw, here are the second and third posts. One can see that nothing has changed, given recent pep talks within concerning fidelity and discernment.]

Whisper campaigns

Highlighting a recent comment:

There's a legion run school in the US which continues to manipulate, lie to and slander families, priests and RC members who choose to leave the school. If people keep quiet about what they see wrong, they're said to have left on "good terms" to everyone in the community. If they speak out or make a complaint about any injustice whatsoever, they are branded and slandered.
Thank you Giselle. No one can ever call you a wimp.
Pray for those who leave so that they find the strength to endure the betrayal of their Christian brothers and sisters who remain in the cult.

The good news is that the landscape has changed significantly over the last decade. If one leaves now on good terms with the Legion, it may not be a good thing; and if one has a squabble with the Legion, that can actually be a badge of honour in many circles.

The problem is that the disagreement in question (which may have simmered over months or years) often translates into a whisper campaign that cannot be traced directly to the source, so the rumours circulating about the problematic member (drinking problem, lack of professionalism, marital discord, wayward children, etc.) come from "the rafters" and just seep into the minds of friends, coworkers and collaborators.

Alert to Christians:

• please be aware that this tactic has long been associated with this Movement (like most cults) and is done with practiced finesse by many, many members;
• let's stop these rumours when we hear them and call out those who spread them. I've heard my share of them (about myself and others) and can attest to the truth of the comment above;
• let's remember to pray for those who are leaving this Movement, understanding that when one's livelihood has been tied to such a group, future options can be severely impacted.

Powerful discernment by an ex3gf

Claudia Madero is also disappointed with reform, according to Milenio:

Claudia Madero, who for 35 years was a consecrated member of Regnum Christi, decided to leave the Legionaries of Christ because, despite the Vatican having control of the congregation, there is no change in substance. In addition, she claimed, there is an internal prosecution against the those consecrated who "think and analyse."

In a 10-page letter addressed to the general director, Alvaro Corcuera, she details her disappointment about the founder Marcial Maciel, saying: "We were not formed to love, promote and seek the truth" but were "given to lying" and what seemed like a growth in humility was really "becoming slaves to instructions and protocols."

She explains the reasons that lead her to take that step that was "in itself difficult, painful and heartbreaking," and she shares what she considers her "spiritual journey" from July 29th, 2008, when she heard Father Luis Garza said the truth about the founder's life.

In analyzing the errors of Maciel, said: "I was able to capture the founder presented us with a perfect ideal of holiness, angelic" than he, "as described, was the flagship model. There were others like John Paul II, but no life as a martyr in the persecution allegedly suffered so tremendous that during his lifetime. "

In addition, the consecrated were subjected to a multiplicity of rules calling for the strictest perfection, "we become slaves to instructions and written protocols with the greatest thoroughness, and were not to develop any individual qualities," she explained.

White lies

The former consecrata reflects in her letter that "it appears that they were not prepared as an institution, to see, live and promote the truth, because we are not educated in love to promote the truth." Madero said that in 1997 someone asked Maciel: "Why, if lying is sin, we sometimes allow white lies, such as inflating the number of vocational growth or incorporated members."

The founder said, "Why, if the children of darkness lies used for their evil purposes, we can not use these little white lies for good ends?

In assessing the current situation, after the appointment of papal delegate Velasio De Paolis, Madero stated that "there were no essential changes. It has been 64 years, for how many more years will we continue to deceive our people and those to come later? "

She adds that the founder used to discredit and isolate those who doubted his upright conduct, and this form of government still remains, justified as necessary to maintain unity, so enemies are made of those who simply want to contribute to the reform.

At present, considered three groups of dedicated, those who suffer a kind of internal persecution because they are "thinking and analytical" and put in "the position of being enemies."

There are others who have become chronically ill or are affected in their psyche. And the third that are "tagged," the elderly, who are directors.

The former consecrated provides dates and details of correspondence sent to the director Alvaro Corcuera concerning the bias that was influencing the affairs of the Legion and the Movement, but of this she said, "I have not found any resonance, not an attitude of listening, being open or willing to compromise," so she states that "the form of government has not changed, it remains as it was during the founder's life, with the same injustices, judgments and decisions made about those people who begin to differ."

"It seems that there is a vacuum of authority," she said.

The consecrata concluded with four thoughts: "The way you're facing this time of purification will discover the true desire of structural change.

The ex3gf concluded with four thoughts:

1. "The way you're facing this time of purification will discover the true desire of structural change.

2. "We must accept that the founder created an institution with a religious guise that basically entails systems, procedures, traditions and habits that do not correspond at all to the Gospel.

3. "All of us who dealt with the founder are affected by his un-Christian vision and we need ... to get help, advice.

4. "To preserve the structure, governance and formation, there will have to be resources dedicated to the members' physical or mental health."

Kindly remember, dear reader, that there was a Visitation of every house of consecrated members in Regnum Christi, and even if the follow-up report was finished and turned in (as it was supposed to be this past summer) it still hasn't been made public in any way. There are a few reasons to consider:

• Rome works slowly (yes, we get that);
• Lay vocations are secondary to priestly vocations (so what's the hurry);
• The report is being blocked by someone;
• The RC will only hinge on the Legion, so no report is forthcoming;
• There are financial complications (please, no ...)

Let this stand, then, as an accounting of the those members who are obviously a state of great distress. (Those who aren't have evidently acclimated themselves to a horrid situation, based on lies and manipulation.) We've known for a long time that the situation inside isn't healthy on any level. These women have been generous, self-effacing and loyal for decades: we beg Rome to regularise their situation, so that they can move forward in a healing way for their good and the benefit of their long-suffering families. Either allow them to reform apart from the Legion under the proper canonical forms, or send them home. This is abusive and scandalous.

Nota bene: This is why we work so hard against the apostolates that are bent on recruiting more young women into this life. It is not Christian, and is unworthy of the most basic norms of human dignity. We continue to speak out because we love, and we pray without ceasing because we want these men and women free. God bless Miss Madero for having the conviction and courage to break away, and for going public in a manner that had to be enormously difficult.

Damning Milenio video

Consider who is at the bedside [all in Spanish, but clear enough] and remember that it was clarified previously that at least one mistress and child were also there. For the obtuse, it means each of these persons knew where Maciel died, under what circumstances and that their astonishment at his "double life" was feigned. One should also realise that since the "reform" is still in their hands, nothing of substance can happen. If someone wants to provide some translation, we'd be grateful, but it seems that an upcoming program will help to document the lies.

And don't forget: Day Three of the Novena.

ADDENDUM: To assist in recalling the details of this perverse saga

March 2010 Communique

And Corcuera's words at the death of Maciel:

"And the Word was made flesh!" These were the last words that Nuestro Padre left written. He knew that the Incarnation gave meaning to all our lives. As we know, ever since his childhood and adolescence, our Lord granted him the grace of clearly perceiving the relative value of time in the face of eternity. He always taught us that Christ is the center, the only reason of our existence: "…in the great Mystery of his Presence in the Eucharist… we can touch him and almost feel him as our Brother and Father, Friend and Redeemer. Thus… he has willed to draw us to Himself until the joyful day when, breaking all bonds, free in his total plenitude, we will be able to contemplate him in the life to come" (LNP, March 11, 1975).

Within the deep sadness and sorrow that this news gives us, I also have the joy of telling you that Nuestro Padre has reached the end of his earthly pilgrimage. With the peace that always filled his soul, he departed for his eternal destiny on January 30 in the United States....

As he often told us, he didn't want us to focus on him: "If only you could see not me, but God's plan"; he wanted us to go to Christ. It is around the tabernacle and in prayer before the Blessed Sacrament that we will be most deeply united, with the strength and singular significance of charity. This will be the best way of remembering him and of keeping him always in our hearts....

Pernicious lies that have never stopped.

UPDATE: A kind reader provides the video translation

Male narrator: With these images, we end this program and we hope you will join us on Monday at 9:30 pm.

 

(children cheering)

 

Maciel: God continues to clear the way for the realization of His work through the instrument that He has chosen and that instrument is me.

 

Female narrator: Marcial Maciel died on January 30^th, 2008 in Jacksonville, Florida, surrounded by those who were his followers to the very end. 

By his side were Alvaro Corcuera, in that moment, Fr. Maciel’s replacement as Director of the Legionaries of Christ; Luis Garza, then Vicar General; José Antonio Alonso, chaplain and professor at the house of the Regnum Christi consecrated women in Rhode Island; his personal secretary, Marcelino de Andrés, his faithful assistants, Alfonso Corona and Oscar de la Torre; the man who had once been Director in Mexico, Eloy Bedi; Kevin Meehan from New Hampshire; Peter Hopkins, then Director of the women’s section of the Regnum Christi in New York; Emilio Díaz, from the Directorate in Atlanta; the administrator in the United States and Canada, José Felix Ortega; and two consecrated women, Elena Serrano and Malén Oriol. 

Fr. Maciel died unrepentant and maybe without imagining that two years after his death, those who were with him in his final hours would ask forgiveness for all the evils committed by the Director, Founder and Spiritual Guide of the Legionaries of Christ.  And not only that, they would also eliminate his name, take down his portrait, and erase his memory.  Adored as a saint in life, he would experience his demise in history.  Now, for all history, Fr. Maciel’s name is synonymous with sexual abuse of minors

 

Final Text: The Last Days of the Kingdom of Marcial Maciel.

Removing the mask

Deirdre had some thoughts concerning the ongoing industriousness of the members of Regnum Christi, despite having neglected to fully absorb the horror of a paederast founder and decades of narcissistic duplicity. With nary an apology to those they maligned for years, or contrition for the money they raised to enable MM's very bad habits, they now throw themselves into parish work:

The rules don't apply to them.  They're indispensable.  They improve everything they touch.

Meanwhile, the truth is that, as good as being 'indispensable' feels, no one is. And sometimes, when the indispensable people who do everything for the priest and take over everything step back, a parish finds that there are a lot more people who area willing to pitch in and help--it's just that no one ever bothered to ASK them before, so they didn't feel like they had anything to contribute because the 'indispensables' seemed to have everything just so.

This led to Aaron's insight:

This has pulled a thought from my head - does the group dynamic allow RC members (for example) to behave in a way that they would not ordinarily behave if acting alone, independently: would they feel indispensable if they were doing something on their own but rather than as an RC member?

I know that that "I am indispensable" feeling is indeed common enough, and I say that as a Church organist! But other attitudes -- rudeness, uncharitableness, etc. -- stems from them holding up the RC mask: because they are RC their behaviour is not their own so to speak.

I suppose that if we could encourage members to think about their actions and words and challenge them to think if they would say the same things and act the same way outside of RC. In a similar way, working with children I have my teacher/authority voice and it took me a while to be able to know how to switch that off and not speak that way with kids outside of school -- with relatives, etc. Or indeed not to speak to my parents and siblings at the dinner table like that -- how condescending of me!

As for my own behaviour while in the group, I certainly did things with a gusto that was highly uncharacteristic. At the time, I thought it was "holy boldness;" but in retrospect, it was simply chutzpah that may have been grievously inappropriate. When linked to a group this dynamic, there is a mantle of audacity that allows one to step into perilous terrain with little thought.

One can easily make the case that this is simply "Biblical" (which is what we were taught) but it may also be part of a false persona that spreads a different kingdom at the expense of our own credibility later -- and that's very hard to face, but essential in terms of healing.

"Sectarian and exclusive"

There is a very good text called Spiritual discernment: Theology, History and Praxis, written by Manuel Ruiz Jurado, SJ (Professor of Spiritual theology at the Gregorian in Rome). It includes this passage about how to discern among ecclesial groups and communities:

1. Character: you must pay attention to their character. Do they think of themselves as a part or member of the Church, or do they claim to be "the Church," a kind of substitute for the global church institution, where they try to put all the components of ecclesial communion, as if only by participating in this spirit, as promoted by this particular movement could the whole Church be actualised? Such a character, although it has the appearance of universal communion, is sectarian and exclusive, since it considers all that is not like the movement as unfaithful to the Gospel, and themselves as the only faithful ones, thus denying any plurality of possible inspirations in the Church, which was the starting point of their own personality within the Church in communion.

2. Another important aspect will be the relationship established between the institution and the individual. Any attempt to disregard the personal vocation of the members, through violence or exploitation of the individual from the institution without possible appeal to higher authority, all non-absoluteness of God will be a bad sign. If you notice that the person is hampered in fulfilling his or her paramount obligations, the institution can not be accepted as divinely inspired.

Well, those are two pretty powerful points, which bear directly on the Legion and Regnum Christi. More importantly, this is the sort of toxicity that no one seems to be considering in the reform -- a poison that is different from the sexual perversions that stemmed from the founder. They both existed in his person, but the Legion (and reformers) seem all to ready to focus on the sexual peccadillos, while ignoring the other grave problem: the cultishness that flowed from this "sectarian and exclusive" view of the movement.

They text above is translated from the original Spanish, which is below for those who prefer to see that. (Please tell me if I have misrepresented his thoughts.)

1. Talante: hay que atender a su talante. ¿Se consideran una parte o miembro de la Iglesia, o pretenden presentarse como “la Iglesia”, una especie de sustitutivo a la institución eclesial global, en la que intentarían hacer entrar a todos los componentes de la comunión eclesial, como si sólo participando de este espíritu promovido por este movimiento particular se pudiese realizar la Iglesia en su totalidad? Semejante talante, aunque tiene apariencias de comunión universal, es sectario y exclusivista, puesto que considera todo lo que no es propio del movimiento como infiel al Evangelio y a sí mismos como los únicos fieles, con lo que se niega toda pluralidad de inspiraciones posibles en la Iglesia, que es el punto de partida de la propia personalidad dentro de la Iglesia en comunión.

2. Aspecto importante será también la relación que se establece entre la obra y el individuo. Todo intento de falta de consideración a la vocación personal de los miembros, de violencia o instrumentalización del individuo al grupo sin posibilidad de apelación a la autoridad superior, toda absolutización que no sea de Dios, será mala señal. Si se observa que se obstaculiza a la persona en el cumplimiento de sus obligaciones irrenunciables, la institución no puede ser aceptada como de inspiración divina.

Your family is not an apostolate

A faithful reader highlights an essential truth about the Movement:

Almost one year after leaving RC (and after 12 years of involvement up to 2nd degree 2nd level), I've just had another big "Aha!" moment thanks to you good people and the other post-RC blogs out there. 

My "personal light?" We were repeatedly told as wives and mothers that, although we have a vocation to RC, our family is our first apostolate.  This was the Movement's way to sound balanced and serenely sympathetic as we wept for our chaotic home lives. 

But it kept RC as our core identity and our families as "the thing we did for God." In truth it was just an insidious platitude with a BIG LIE at the heart of it!

The Truth is that my VOCATION is to be a WIFE AND MOTHER, and RC was the apostolate!!! Of course, it's not that either--it's an ANTI-apostolate that sucks the life out of one's ability to do real work for the Lord in freedom and Truth. 

But by making RC one's core identity (Core Convictions, anyone?), Maciel & Co. were able to make it excrutiatingly painful and confusing to try to leave--it was tantamount to not only betraying who God called me to be, but also abandoning my very identity.  RC was who I WAS, not something that I DID.

[This may have been said before] but for some reason it just sunk in on a deeper level, and I wanted to share this just in case someone still on the inside read this and had a lightbulb moment, too.

It cannot be said enough, because when grace kicks in, that's when you hear the message. It's like the pro-life message, lessons from your parents, and many other serious things in life, up to a point you cannot "hear" the truth, and when the time is right, it all clicks. Hard to explain, but a crystal clear moment for everyone who's been there.

I've tried to explain this verbal "switch" many times (and it was a centerpiece of my testimony with the CDF). When being introduced to RC, the recruit is told that Regnum Christi doesn't ask any more of its members than the standard prayers and devotions aligned with basic Catholicism: Mass, Rosary, daily prayer, Confession, regular retreats and apostolatic work. After nailing those in (RC-style) and establishing that the Movement is synonymous with the faith, that's when the mental switch takes place:

RC = Catholicism 101; therefore to walk away from the Movement is to walk away from the Church. That's the crisis in so many discernment stories, because members believe that to abandon this "vocation" is tantamount to abandoning Christ.

I know this point is a little different than that made by the insightful reader above, but the bottom line is the same: MM's methodology had a clever way of inserting itself into one's life of faith, so that it becomes the baseline of belief. That sets up the confusion over priorities and authentic discernment.

• The Regnum Christi Movement is not the Church;
• Your time spent in Regnum Christi doesn't define your vocation [amended];
• Your vocation to marriage and family life is not an apostolate;
• Leaving the consecrated life is not "divorcing Jesus" (Sorry, but that needs to be said. And if 3gf's can leave without commiting the slightest sin, then it's all the more true for married members.)

God is good -- and patient. Ask for the grace of discernment, and trust that many, many people are praying for you.