life-after-RC

Kudos for Katie

For those of you who remember many common sense comments by Katie in recent years, thoughtful contributions that added to the depth of our discussions at LARC, you'll be edified by her article on marriage found on Catholic Lane. She and her husband have been working hard to forward the discussion on personalism here, and it would be well worth your time to peruse their content and participate in their ongoing disussion group. I suggest you bookmark Catholic Lane, where she and many excellent writers appear regularly -- and kindly spread the word. That and similar sites will contribute enormously to the New Evangelisation, not to mention advancing the cause of authentic faith and freedom.

Rebounding after leaving

A long-time reader poses two important questions:

I am writing because I am writing a series on my blog about 'cult-life thinking' as I experienced YET ANOTHER cult experience after leaving RC. (You'd think I'd learn, right? ;) But I have gained so many blessings and insights into my own weakness through this last experience, which was actually a much worse personal experience than I had in RC as it was local and we were directly targeted when we left.

1. I was wondering if you had some links I could refer to that are general principles of cults that I could link to (and also research) for my blog. I know you have extensive wisdom on this topic, and I am still stumbling through even my own insights, and would love some 'back up; and 
2. I would also like to ask you if you have heard of a sort of 'rebound' after leaving a cult (like RC) where someone ends up in the same ditch again... I find my last three years' experience interesting.

For starters, I will always recommend Steve Hasson's "Freedom of Mind" site, which is filled with exellent information, anecdotes and data on many cults. Another source is ICSA (International Cultic Studies Association) which has many ongoing activities, presentations, and workshops, as well as a comprehensive database. Their next international conference will be in Montreal this summer (5-7 July, 2012).

The reason these larger bodies help so much is that they show the common elements that create cultish environments. Regain and LARC have not charged this Movement with cultishness lightly. There is a wide body of research and documentation that stands behind such allegations, and the data from decades of evidence in this case allows certain conclusions to be drawn regarding the Legion. In that respect, cult awareness groups can be very helpful in dissecting one's experience -- although the healing process requires that a person set aside his/her prejudices and engage in a humble pursuit of wholeness.

If others want to provide more resources (books, sites, videos) in the comboxes, I'll bring them up and begin a list.

How to move forward

Perhaps readers will have some ideas on how to re-engage the Church after the RC experience.

I am asking you if you could start a new discussion for my family. We are ex R/C and deeply hurt from all our years of working like slaves giving money etc all our kids were in that L/C school. We got out years ago.

We are asking where we can come in to help the Church.
We are hurt, DO NOT TRUST anyone in the Church,wiil not get into any groups that we have to share or get to talk or know people.
Is there any thing we can do?
We thought of Adoration but that is led by a Consecreated young woman
Every thing I look at has R/C people in it except Pro Life and SVDP
Please does anyone know why they are all now so INVOLVED in Parish Church as their Apostolate.

Sincerely, Still Catholic and Looking for a Vineyard

I think it's important to consider a few points.

• If this were a patient being discharged from a hospital, no one would seriously ask him to participate in vigourous activities for a long time, until he has recovered sufficiently. It's the same for a new widow/er. Spiritual or emotional trauma is taxing, and there is no need to jump into the fray of daily life on your previous terms;
• Please remember that one of the problems with the Legion is its "busyness." We were always "building the Kingdom (!)" in tangible, visible ways (and taking tallies of our success). To quote a frequent contributor: That's. Not. Catholicism. Grace is more subtle, more gentle, more pervasive in quieter corners. If you feel as though you're less of a Catholic without appointments, meetings and a game plan, then perhaps you should give yourself a six-month moratorium on all three. Ours is a faith of primarily "being," not "doing."
• Finally, your whole family has been traumatised and your first responsibility it to them. Sit quietly when you can, listen to them (it may be very difficult for them to express themselves). Wait for the anger, which may be directed at you or the Church (who interestingly were victimised by this group). Hear them out, cry with them and have a low-key Christ-filled Christmas. Engage in the liturgy, pray in the evenings (if they're inclined) and play board games. Anything unplugged and unscripted. (We love Boggle.) Love each other and next year, when the dust has settled and each has made his peace with God and the rest of the family, perhaps you can look in your closets and muster a bag for Saint Vincent de Paul. And then ice cream -- because that will be a small victory.

The surreal reality of the Movement

These are Truman's [edited] words of wisdom from a friend who left a few years ago. As she explains, that friend "articulates well some of the dysfunctional nuances in RC that are difficult to pin down:"

It's good you are out. It's surreal, disorienting, and disillusioning at times, but living real life and not plastic happy smiles has been a gift for me. Too much work for a kingdom that was never really of God. I never say the people in RC were 'bad.' But IMHO the organization and the system...will continue to be.

Reading the Life after RC blog and talking with others who left or others who have experienced cults was healing and instructive. The RC group will never say or believe they are a cult, but reading enough on what cults do and how they operate, I can say for sure we were in a cult. They slowly reoriented our lives with controlling methods -- using God and "his will" (as the organization sees it) as the main controlling force. 

Take Back Your Life is a recommended read for those who have been out of RC for awhile. I did read it and found it helpful. Meeting with those who have left to talk about your experience has been good. RC didn't allow us to share real feelings or real experiences and did not allow healthy critique (under the guise of unity and charity)...so talking about real experiences in the movement is healthy.

Freedom to just be and not feel an obligation to be productive or useful or 'work for the kingdom' is important.

We left about a year before the news of MM came out. In general terms (because our leaving was such a process -- a year), my husband and I were struggling in our marriage. With a lot of healing therapy [with a Catholic therapist familiar with the legion], I realized that RC was not real--that was the word I kept using. I kept saying to my husband and this psychologist: "We don't have real friends; we don't talk about real stuff of life; we're always about apostolate." 

No one seemed to have an answer. We were getting so disillusioned with the movement. I wanted to leave but was scared to death of 'leaving my vocation. I marvel at how brainwashed I was -- I put my marriage below that so-called vocation to rc. 

At the same time our dear friends...began telling us the problems of the Apostolic schools (b/c we were most likely going to send our son there). Then I got online and began reading REGAIN and Life after RC. 

I finally could see why we were so busy, why there was no friendship, why we were so fake--it was set up that way so we'd be little worker bees for the movement. And if we tried to rectify any problems we saw (because we did bring up our issues with the right people in the right way), they weren't addressed or there was no real change. No change because it's set up to be in service to the cult/kingdom. 

I marvel even more that God freed me. It was a watershed of grace, like scales being pulled back to see what RC was--to take away all the glitzy hype they had indoctrinated me with and to see what it was: a group selling their version of Catholicism for their own advantage.  

At the time it was even more surreal because no one believed that MM was a fraud, so that was extremely hard. I had to really grow up spiritually and had to really face what it meant to be detached from people's opinions. 

All of our associates, of course, thought we were out of balance or that I had problems or whatever. I'm not sure what was thought/said...but I knew what had happened for my marriage and it was a gift from God. 

Our son faced more struggles because his whole security system was taken from him from one day to the next, so we still have to help him cope with all that change. It takes awhile. But my little ones don't know the difference. 

Praying from the heart in simple uncomplicated ways is healing for me. We ended up joining a traditional rite parish here and do Latin mass now, but we're still pretty average. Our Benedictine priest at our parish is really easy going and has given me a lot of personal help, too. While he doesn't get into all the ins and outs of RC, he gets that I was living a very controlled life in all aspects and that mostly, I needed to learn to just live my vocation as wife and mother without extra hype. 

Life isn't necessarily easier out of RC. RC allowed us to live a type of false reality. We controlled so much of our lives and our kids' lives that we kept ourselves kind of immature (I can say this for me for sure). We didn't allow ourselves or our kids to own our feelings in a healthy way, to learn to make decisions in a healthy way (everything was programmed by RC), and to just navigate 21st century life as it is.

So my life post-RC is dealing in reality, living life as it is--as it is given to me each day--and present to my kids and husband. I'm Catholic but in a real way, allowing Christ to just journey gently with me each day. 

Each person does have their own journey [out of RC] and their own way of coming to grips with the organization itself. There is no wrong way to find healing. Mourning the loss is there in some form or fashion and coming to grips with your part of the cult is in there, too. 

And mostly it's a process. It's slow at times. But with patience and time, God does his work.

Leisure as tonic

This nicely written article on how to honour the Sabbath has some stark comments that apply to those who have been formed in the "time is kingdom"™ model of Catholicism (which Jeannette reminds us is not Catholic):

Before you choose, in the full freedom God allows, how you will behave on Sundays, let me show you a few things that affect the formation and fullness of the human person, of your own soul, and of a holy Sabbath.

• Busyness – Constant activity is a distraction from relationship with God and with other people.  There is nothing noble about being so busy – even in the service of God – that we neglect to receive what He wants to give us.  Sabbath asks us to cease somewhat from doing so that we may learn to be.
• Noise – The sounds of daily life, of idle chatter, of news and entertainment media, of chaotic music assault and harden us if we are not careful to cultivate interior quietude.  Sabbath asks us to hush, to guard a bit of silence, so that we may collect our thoughts and hear God’s.
• Speed – The faster we go, the more we hurry, the more we disconnect from our selves and from the people and the world around us.  Speed is a form, actually, of hostility, of violence.  Sabbath asks us to slow down a bit, even to stop, so that we may make peace with each other and with God.
• Movement – Related to busyness and to speed, movement is another way of running away from our own soul, from our own home.  Sabbath asks us to be still a while, to welcome God into our ‘interior chapel’ and other people into our hearts and homes.
• Isolation – The trap of individualism – living only for ourselves, insulating ourselves from the challenges of community life, privatizing our devotion to God – separates us from our own humanity.  Sabbath asks us to lay down self-interest so that our consciousness of being bearers to one another of Christ’s love will increase and bear fruit.
• False Idols – What captivates our attention, what motivates our actions, what stamps its character upon our beings had better be Christ – Lord Sabbaoth – or it is a false god.  Sabbath asks us, above all things, to worship God and to align our being, our identity, and our voice with His so that we may be most fully and truly ourselves.

In today’s world – noisy, distracted, characterized by speed and constant activity – just our attendance at Mass is a miraculous and truly restful Sabbath-keeping.  For a while, at least, we cease doing to focus on what Christ has done; cease moving to be still and fully present with Him; create silence filled only by His voice; escape the loneliness of separate lives to live as one Body.  In the Eucharist is, literally, the fullness of the idea of Sabbath – tasted, experienced, intimately received.  Whatever else we do or refrain from doing to participate in sanctifying the day must be informed by, must flow from the moment of communion in which we are most fully whole, most human.

The artice is very good, the book is excellent (reviewed here) and the entire approach to the human person provides a very good counterweight to the utilitarian frenzy that many were called to live in the Movement.

Renouncing the tie for good

From a reader:

For those of you still in the LC/RC, know that you will continue to be communing with the "spirit" of MM through his writings and ongoing poisoned indoctrination, though now you won't even know his twisted mind is behind it!

I invite you to pray with me the prayer I wrote below.  It is fashioned after similar prayers I was led in by a priest friend and by an orthodox Catholic with a deliverance ministry (under the authority of the bishop):

"Heavenly Father, I sever with the sword of Spirit and Truth any and all soul ties to Fr. Marcial Maciel and to his spirituality, including the Regnum Christi Movement, my friends in Regnum Christi, and the Legionaries of Christ.

"In the name of Jesus, and by the power of His blood, I now renounce, break and nullify any vows or promises made to Fr. Marcial Maciel or to the Regnum Christi Movement, including but not limited to the promises I made at the Triduums of Incorporation and Renewal, and I confess that I am released from these vows or promises and their bondage.

"I take back from Fr. Maciel, the Regnum Christi Movement, my friends in Regnum Christi, and the Legionaries of Christ any spiritual goods I unwittingly gave to them that was not the will of God for me, including but not limited to the freedom to use and honor my intellect and conscience.

"I also return to Fr. Marcial Maciel, the Regnum Christi Movement, my friends in Regnum Christi, and the Legionaries of Christ anything I unwittingly took from them that was not the will of God for me.  This includes but is not limited to spiritual pride, vanity, and a utilitarian view of the human peson.  I also relinquish any physical goods (books, writings, photos) that tie me to this spirituality.

"I forgive Fr. Marcial Maciel, the Regnum Christi Movement, my friends in Regnum Christi, and the Legionaries of Christ for any and all wrongs done to me, including but not limited to psychological and spiritual manipulation, slander, deception and betrayal.

"I ask God to forgive me for any sins I have committed as a result of my participation in Regnum Christi, including but not limited to spiritual pride, vanity, slander, psychological and spiritual manipulation, and a utilitarian attitude toward the human person.

"In the name of Jesus, and by the power of His blood, I now renounce, break and sever all unholy soul ties formed between me and Fr. Marcial Maciel, the Regnum Christi Movement, my friends in Regnum Christi, and the Legionaries of Christ; and I now command any evil spirits which have taken advantage of these unholy soul ties to leave me immediately and go to the foot of the cross of Christ.

"May God, the Father of Mercies, have mercy on us and on the whole world.  Amen."

Program note

This afternoon, I'll be on NPR talking about the LC/RC Movement. It will be a twenty-minute segment roughly between 1pm and 1:30. My guess is that you can stream it live online (especially since some local NPR stations follow the music format during the day). If there is a link to the segment provided afterwards, I'll post it, and I beg your intense prayers/sacrifices so that I can clearly make my case. God's most holy will in all things.

UPDATE: Prayers so deeply appreciated, thanks. It was 1pm Eastern time (is there any other??) and here is the link. (Good news, I think, was that the interviewer was more passionate than I was, so I came off as perhaps more calm than I would have otherwise.)

UPDATE II: from the trenches --

On the subject of the numbers, Jim Fair just reported to our local newspaper that there are 200 to 300 RC members in our city. There never have been that many, even at its peak.

UPDATE III: sample of feedback from NPR audience:

Arnie Arneson hit the ball out of the park on Thursday with her interview with a former member of Regnum Christie - got the info, was very considerate and polite but still held her feet to the fire - ever so gently. Well done.

Research project

From SNAP:

As you know, child sexual abuse of boys is more common than most people realize. Many male survivors feel isolated and misunderstood, and negative effects can linger into adulthood. More research is needed to understand how sexual abuse affects men and what can be done to improve their well-being.
 
I am writing you today to make you aware of a unique research opportunity that you may be eligible to participate in. Scott Easton is a licensed master's level social worker (LMSW) and doctoral candidate at the University of Iowa. He is conducting a one-time, anonymous online survey on male survivors of childhood sexual abuse. He hopes this research will advance our understanding, create more awareness, and generate improvements for treatment. 
 
If you are interested, please visit the study home page by clicking [here.] 
 
At the study home page you will receive more information to help you decide whether to participate. If you have any questions, you can contact Mr. Easton by email at scott-easton@uiowa.edu.
 
 
Thank you for considering this research opportunity.
 
Sincerely,
David Clohessy

Putting on the New Man

As we anticipate the joys of Eastertide (and the Church gives us fifty days to soak in the beauty of the Risen Christ) let us remember that we have to put on the new man as well. Ultimately, all we can do is heal and live the Resurrexion fully -- we cannot live others' lives for them. As much as we want everyone free of the false "kingdom," let's focus on our healing so that we'll have the necessary resources when the time comes.

To that end, Mary Ann has brought to light an excellent point:

There is an AA exercise where you list the people who have offended you, what they did, how it injured you, and, later, what was it about you that made you susceptible to this particular hurt. It is not blaming the victim, but finding the one thing in ourselves that, for instance, the con artist can spot, or the one sensitivity we have that makes us react more strongly to one thing than another.

I think this exercise is most useful for people emerging from any abusive situation.  It has to be proactively and rigorously practiced, to overcome the blind spots we all have (even our virtues cause blind spots). Because of my childhood experiences, and recovery from them, I was able to recognize the Legion and Maciel for what they are in one two-hour introductory session (after which I told a friend - back in 1990 or so - that this was a personality cult and a pyramid scheme, and that I would bet my life that the Maciel guy was a pedophile). 

Now one would have had to have had an unpleasant life history to have recognized that, so I am not saying that everyone should recognize it. But when churchmen who study these things, and who should know spirituality and its pitfalls like the back of their hand, when they don't see it, I guess we live in a situation like that described in the OT where the spirit of prophecy has died and the priests are clueless. 

In any case, my basic point is that waking up to one aspect should just be a clue and a prod to continue examining to see what else one missed, and failure to do that would be a sort of complicit blindness. "Hey, if I got out and I am ok now, it can't be that bad." Which is sort of what graduates of abusive families do to their siblings....Those of you who have emerged and are in recovery, don't lose the edge of your first awakening, don't lose your sense of outrage that motivates you to do justice in love. 

And in response, Katie elaborated and drove it home:

" what was it about you that made you susceptible to this particular hurt."

I like this point Mary Ann. John Paul II used to preach about how the Fall in Eden set up a master/slave dynamic between persons that has to be replaced with a dynamic of love and service. (This is the essence of Jesus's self-emptying and dying for our sake.) The devil tempted him to play the master. He could have; it was within his power.  Instead, he gave himself in love.

Key to breaking that master/slave dynamic, is to recognize that it's not only a matter of getting the "masters" to stop oppressing. The oppressed also have to stop slaving. They have to take up the "weight of glory"--the high demands of sonship. 

St. Paul's letter to the Galations makes so clear that we have a tendency to prefer slavery. It's easier. "Just tell me what to do and keep me safe." This is why the overarching "obedience rule" is so attractive. No discernment; no personal responsibility. Leave the heavy-lifting to others.

In other words, even if our oppressors won't stop behaving like ancient Egyptian tyrants, we can refuse to be slavish in any way, ever again.

Standing on truth is the core of it.

When we can break the bonds of sin that remain from the past -- from outside us, we will be that much more prepared to live the life of freedom that God has prepared for us. Joyeuses pâques, mes très chers amis!

Lifeline for ex-Legionaries

Aaron notes a resource:

[T]here is a poster on trastevere who is compiling a list of exLC priests. You can email him direcly or I am happy to email him on your behalf if you have any names. I think he has about 80 names so far, and the number is growing. So ten percent of LC priests so far have left. His email is elblancogandalf1 [at] gmail [dot] com.

Aaron's email is  exlc1998irish [at] yahoo [dot] co [dot] uk. If he feels comfortable with the level of confidentiality, then it should be alright, but you can ask him directly about the use of and access to the list. The rest of us should keep these men in prayer -- that they receive the various kinds of support they need.

UPDATE: on a sad but related note,

Trastevere bloggers have reported and confirmed the death of Pablo Desbordes in chile. He was 39 years old and died with his brother in a plane crash travelling to help earthquake victims.

Requiescat in pace, friend, and prayers for the family grieving two sons. May their act of charity redound to their eternal credit.